Jara nach ke dikha!

So what is dance by the way!! Wikipedia defines it as a form of expression, social interaction and as a form of non verbal communication between humans.

In common parlance it would be an expression of Joy or Fun, because you see so many people  dancing in parties, dancing in marriage ceremonies, or  dancing  just like that.

I am ok with people expressing their joys physically like that. What bothers me is when people start pushing other people (people like me ) to do IT. While I am not against dance, I am not so much of a dance person really. I would rather do a Nawab Wajid Ali Shah and watch people dance , than exert myself. Also because I am very lazy, so for me the concept of joy or happiness lies in reading a good book, listening to good music or just talking to good friends or may be trekking/going out somewhere. That brings me more fun and joy  than shaking a leg.

And I had always been like that. The numerous  ragging sessions at several  colleges and innumerable parties could not help me change my ways. And whenever I tried ( I have everything left, including two left feet and two left arms !) it would be so clumsy, that in all that mayhem, for the risk of not injuring anyone, I thought it would be in the best interest of everyone that I leave the floor.

But life has its own derisive ways. So I married a guy who is passionate about dancing, and not only that, the entire khandan (family) has to break into song and dance routine at every party, function, etc. So nightmare of all nightmares….I was expected to do the same. 

Over time my husband gave up on me, and I was secretly very happy about it :)…. But people never change. So they insisted and insisted even more. And I got away every time, except when  my brother got married, or at a recent family wedding, where there was no escape, really!

While weddings and baraats are still fine (there is nothing better to do to burn the calories from all the good food), I still cannot bring myself to the floor when the party is rather a birthday or some celebration. I still prefer the verbal communication form better.

A lot of times, there are people who understand my situation and they don’t force. They become my favorite instantly :). But more often I keep running into people for whom not dancing with them is an offence of magnanimous proportions. I understand their passion to dance; what I don’t understand is their insistence that everybody present should dance.

Does joy multiply in that case?

Gai humari mata hai

Yes this is an essay (yet another) on a beaten-to-death topic, ironically bringing out the issue of being ‘beaten-bombed-grenaded-shot-to-death’

When are we going to even learn? How many death tolls (and how much more frequent terror attacks) will it take for us to realize that each one of us is responsible for the present state of affairs. We are responsible for electing series of governments which has marshmallow policies on terror and focuses on divide and rule. And post each attack we take pride in the bovine divinity of forgetting and moving on. This is not moving on, this is being coward and being self centered. We don’t and can never believe in a unifying cause which doesn’t have regionalism or casteism as the driving force. Terrorism, what’s that?

Why do we get euphoric when US leaders in particular, publicly condemn the terror attacks on India? We often ignore the fact that the condemnation comes in very late when the victims are Indians. Almost in all the cases where US nationals, British nationals are affected, do their governments promptly issue statements. And we gloat over this, as if we still need some kind of reaffirmation from the world, for the damage that has been done by cross border terrorism.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the same country that had joined hands with the national leaders of pre independence era, in getting rid of the British rule. People sacrificed their lives, compromised with the luxuries, and unified against a common cause, which was surprisingly not based on caste, creed, religion. How come that spirit to free India which lasted for almost a 100 years died its natural death merely 50 odd years post liberation. Was it mob hysteria? Or does it take a generation for a society to forget and move on and become so indifferent to the cause which is affecting rich and poor, people of all religion equally. Do we need some iconic leader who would goad us into fighting this terror threat that looms large everywhere? Or are we waiting for one?

Even the wait would have been better, but can someone explain why do we get irritated at the long security check queues at public places. I have seen people being annoyed at poor hapless security personnel at shopping malls, when they are stooped by them for frisking bags. Why do we always take pleasure in avoiding the security drills, breaching the measures, and being impolite to the person who is doing his/her job of making sure the place is secure? Aren’t we the same ones who happily do all of this and more when we are abroad?

Why do we have a bovine attitude here in India? How much more will it take for us to realize that the crisis facing us is of huge proportions?

Identity Crisis

I belong to the hinterland where the two most populated, poor, backward, economically outcast, and grossly underdeveloped states of UP and Bihar meet. I have met enough and more people who are rather surprised when they know that I am from the land of Bhaiyyas/ Biharis. The first reaction I get is, “But you don’t look like that!”, or worse still, “How have you managed to come so far” which puts me in a defensive state. I am left to wonder what makes it so difficult for people residing in THAT part of the world to have a better career and better life. Sure opportunities were very limited and access to the outside world would be limited too, but it never stopped anyone from doing anything. In fact after coming to Bangalore, and interacting with people from every part of the country, I realized that I was better off than most people, in the way society was structured there. I had absolute freedom to do whatever I wanted, right from pursuing what career I wanted, to choosing the man I wanted to get married to. My parents had been a guiding force for me, till I became old enough to be responsible for my own decisions. There were no forced decisions. I committed some mistakes, realized the consequences over a period of time, and moved on.

Life in Bangalore seemed complicated, driven by a lot of stress in college and not knowing whom to trust. That was a period of immense confusion, uncertainty, with absolutely not a single friend to talk to. Things were tough, and I am happy that I made the right decisions during my stay there. I guess I would attribute this to my parents and the way I was brought up, to my teachers in school who taught me to be independent, to take responsibility for my actions, and to accept the consequences of whatever I had done without any remorse.

I would attribute a lot of my success to the people who were around me during my growing years. Not that I have been an overachiever in my life, but that I have done reasonably well, and I am quite pleased with the way my life has turned out to be. I have never been ashamed of the fact that I belong to a remote town of a remote state, and I actually am amused when I hear comments on the same. People sneer at times, are surprised and ask me absurd questions like, “Are u sure you are from UP, I think this place is in Bihar”; as if the consequences of incorrectly identification of states would cause either permanent shift in LOC or McMohan Line. How does that matter, is what I am left wondering with. Cities on the boundary of two states share nearly the same culture, food habits, and folk songs, so how does it matter if my home town is in Bihar or UP.

Similarly I am surprised when some people belonging to that part of the world, completely and vehemently dissociate themselves with any linkages that might suggest that they are from land of bhaiyyas. From altering their accents, to changing their food habits and customs, these people suffer from identity crisis. In my opinion a person who is ashamed of his/her roots can’t live in peace. I am not promoting the latest flick “Deshdrohi” here, but the fact that this is a typical Indian mentality. When such people, (belonging to any part of the country), go abroad, they are so mesmerized by the “Foreign” concept, that their long forgotten social servitude rises manifold. So right from avoiding desi people, they adapt to western food habits as if their annaprashan (first solid feed of new born baby) was done with burger and coke. I know a person who and whose mother proudly proclaims that they don’t eat “Hindustani Khana” in their house (which happens to be in US). They twitch their nose at people who do so, because it’s so appalling. How can you eat which is so smelly! I had simply smiled then, when I first heard this. I and my husband keep traveling abroad, and we simple can’t do without our daal, chawal, roti thing. We need to have that, if not daily, at least weekly, and we make sure we do that.
Some times these people even cross the lines, and dissociate themselves from their parents, because their parents have suddenly become too inane and too interfering. Being not satisfied with what life has given such people run after something which have not been theirs.

I guess that’s how most of us are, dissatisfied with ourselves, we strive for things that are not meant for us, or rather wouldn’t bring us the desired happiness. Most of us know that, and pretend to not know, and continue to strive…..